Usually, one of the main things that happens when someone comes out as trans is their name and pronouns change to reflect their gender. This act of self-identification is a bold and important step in affirming a trans person’s identity and, unfortunately, it can be one of the biggest things our loved ones struggle with. People will use our given name — our “deadname” — and the wrong pronouns as they’re getting used to us living our truths openly. And while occasional slip-ups are understandable and expected, when friends and family of trans people don’t make an effort to correct themselves, or outright refuse to change the way they refer to us, it can have many negative effects that our allies may not be aware of.

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