eveRunning for (and winning!) homecoming queen was one of the most impactful experiences of my life. As the first openly-trans homecoming queen at my university, I received a wave of publicity for my win. But the biggest impact was personal — being included in such a gendered, heteronormative tradition on my terms made me realize that I actually don’t mind those traditions when I’m able to participate in them alongside everyone else. Arguments of assimilation aside, that was one of the first moments that helped me come to understand my gender identity.
Last year, on the three-year anniversary of my win, I finally came out fully as a trans woman. Shortly after that, I wrote this — originally in verse-chorus-verse style, imagining a cheesy country accompaniment. I reworked it a bit and it’s still a little cheesy, but it means a lot to me because it illustrates just what winning homecoming queen taught me. It wasn’t about a wave of local fame, it wasn’t about glamour. It was about knowing I can access the same spaces as everyone else — as my full self.
HOMECOMING QUEEN
Young girl, I see you
Though you don’t see yourself
Too scared and insecure to bloom
Locked up inside your shell
You try so hard to be the best
You do what everyone expects
And somehow you still fail
I know the secrets
That you’re afraid to tell
The pain you swept away
The dreams left on the shelf
You’re trying hard just to fit in
Just want to feel good in your skin
I know all too well
But that’s when you gotta trust in yourself
Nobody sees you
Or listens to your words
But I hear your whispers
Your quiet, desperate prayers
‘I don’t know who I’m gonna’ be
Why can’t I wake up and finally feel like me?
It’s not fair’
Young girl, I see you
Wandering the halls
If only you had known back then
That you weren’t lost at all
The feelings deep inside your heart
Will tell you who you really are
And you’re already on the way there
Just keep on moving and do not be scared
They can’t hold you down
You will wear the crown
Just you wait and see
One day you will be
Homecoming Queen
